Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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