You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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