butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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