hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
