What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
