It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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