I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So vagazzling was a success
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
