You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
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I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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