Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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