We're facebook friends in real life
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
