I won't be sarcastic... just naked
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
