You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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