Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
