Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
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Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
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Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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