omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
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I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
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I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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