This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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