yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
