True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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