I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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