Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
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All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
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I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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