the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
