my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
