8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
