How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize