Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
