is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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