I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
