I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
