guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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