Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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