My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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