im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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