ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
