I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
