woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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