just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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