can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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