Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
