so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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