On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
