This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
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Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
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Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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