He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
