His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
