Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
