Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just high enough for therapy.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
