Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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