i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
