so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
