She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
