Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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