That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Pants 0. Shit 1.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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