When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
