I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
