you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
