That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
