Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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