I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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