exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
COCAINE IS GR8
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
