When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
