im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
