My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
