I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
