Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
