and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
