Me. At least after what I've been through.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I can't turn off my feet"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
